It's interesting reading my point of view at the time, as well as the article itself. I'm still frustrated by medical professionals who don't take time to consider the realities of several beyond difficult chronic illnesses. My body makes no sense, but I already ranted in this post 2 years ago, so I'll not add in more aggressive frustration. It's hard and, quite frankly, I often go to doctors/specialists/healthcare providers/insurance/etc with poor expectations, feeling slightly better if/when they are better than I expect. It's sad, but I'm a joking, happy, been dealing with this long enough that it doesn't always show as clearly, how badly I am suffering, so I do what I can do, try not to expect much from those who've not heard of my story in its fullness - rather than copy/pasting in my med records, which quickly becomes enough that they don't even get to where there is concern - and continue on, trying to help myself in any way I can, not going unless it's by others' choice with me unconscious, or if I think I'm going to 'die,' and even then, people know I don't want to be taken in an ambulance and I tell myself I'm not dead yet, so I don't need to go... I don't mean to be depressing, but it is sad, and I do stand by the plea at the end of my original post, that people take consideration, listen, don't assume too quickly, are honest when they don't know what's going on, and who don't rush to psych because of my records or their inability to just tell me they don't know. I honestly like doctors a whole lot more when they are honest, and my PCP has become a "specialist" with his office and patients, all looking for what else could be going on, and we can talk it through. Yes, there are so many afflictions that we will have in life, which are not curable by the medical field, but that's life! At least consider the fact that we just hope for something. HOWEVER, I have also learned in pondering this, that perhaps, we as patients, do have more "power" to make providers run to psych and/or rudeness, so looking deeper, controlling our anger/frustration from past experiences as best we can, and being open & honest. There will always be those who add doubt, but we can't control their reactions. I also learned to take consideration towards the medical field in other ways, too... I know my faith; I know I have faith not to be healed in this life...but I also know that there will be a resurrection that will provide a healed body and enduring well will help mind and spirit be further healed. Christ is healing. The Atonement has a major role beyond our ability to comprehend even to a small degree, but chronic illness has taught me that the world cannot heal all things. After all, we relay the scripture "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," and He is the Master Healer. I know others believe different things, and I respect that, but I have a firm testimony from what I have learned for myself through a true broken heart, but also by faith and a contrite spirit, ready and willing to listen, hear, and act upon what I learn in the scriptures, from modern-day prophets, etc. I have seen sacred things, which I call small glimpses of heaven, for they defy description other than to say that with Heavenly Father's Plan of Salvation, in our council in Heaven, we could not be healed or experience a joy in eternity without the healing, forgiveness, mercy, grace, bitter experience, faith, full trust, power, love....and all else that Christ taught through His life here on earth. I find great joy knowing that however hard things are in life here, Christ was in the Plan, and the Atonement was done, that we might be saved and have everlasting joy and salvation if we but believe and follow Him as best as we can, bettering ourselves every moment and every day, allowing ourselves to feel sorrow, falling to our knees in humility, repenting and reconciling ourselves when we do wrong, and standing, once again, to face whatever is coming our way with faith, enduring. If the Savior would that He should not drink the bitter cup, but nevertheless, doing so in more agony than man could bear for even the smallest portion of a second, I can keep going. I can keep trying. I can keep hope, for He knows my life, my sorrow, my pain, my agony, my faith, my trust, and gives me strength, grace, forgiveness, pure love, and mercy where I could never truly deserve it entirely. That is love. That is hope. That is a portion of my testimony. With how quickly this year alone has passed us by, what's the time I have to bear, in sorrow, frustration, humility, repentance, and trying again for those years I have? Why stay angry entirely? Enduring well doesn't include the pure rage I wanted to let out when I first shared this article 2 years ago, and it doesn't even cover the rage for a moment...HOWEVER, when we take upon ourselves to follow the Lord and include the Atonement in our lives, we can change from anger to desire to continue onward nonetheless. It seems funny saying that because who in the world would want to continue onward regardless of how tortured they get? That's where the Lord comes in again. That's why my hope is so strong. Christ and the Atonement help me know I'm not alone. HE suffered alone, his apostles sleeping after saying they'd be there for Him, and He suffered alone, yet, put full trust in our Father in Heaven, that he might not stop, that even though He didn't want to experience such horrific things, and was bleeding from every pore, dying on the cross with a broken heart, and RISING AGAIN, fulfilling the power of resurrection and allowing us to be saved in His mercy and grace. That's why I hope. That's why I continue on. I'm not alone in the least, even though it sometimes feels like it. If Christ could endure that with full trust to say, "Nevertheless, not mine own will, but thine be done," why should I think myself better, that I should justify pure anger for the rest of my life? Enduring can sound like a harsh word, but, thanks to a seminary teacher (who's now an institute teacher and has taught Sunday School when I was in the same ward for a time), I truly find that I have more of a desire to keep going. I see myself enjoying to the end. No, I'm not perfect, so I sometimes do think it's the worst thing anyone could make me do, but I have to change and try again. Enduring can be full of joy. God wants us to have joy, and He has provided the means and the way that we may obtain it! The world would have us believe they are wise enough to heal, and though I am grateful for those medical professionals who have helped so much, but in the end, it's the hand of the Lord playing its forever key role. HE is healing, strength, endurance, and forever. He is our Savior if we follow the simple things we learn in his teachings. In certain situations, they may not seem so simple; however, pressing on, nevertheless, and looking back later, we see that it wasn't as bad as we thought. This life is SO, SOOOOOO hard....BUT, we can and do get through it each moment, each day, each time, until our last breath. Trusting in the plan and following it as best as I can, learning as much as I can with what has been so graciously provided, and acting upon it instead of being reactive, and eventually, I believe in healing fully. Until that sacred and beautiful time, I'm thankful not to have to go this alone. I'm thankful to have a testimony built up before things progressed so greatly, for I never would have pulled through. I'm sad to admit that I was done and wanted to end my own "bitter cup," but, in the grace and mercy of God, I have seen His hand fully guiding me in every way throughout my life. He is the reason that my cheesy nickname DorrisWedding long floor-length formal collection in black # TheRecoveringAthlete and that my sharing of my journey # TheLifeOfARecoveringAthlete , has brought forth so much good amidst the struggle. He is the reason for any help I have been able to make it through, provide any assistance to others, and receive answers. He is the reason I am here and the reason for any of my successes. I know, without a doubt, that Christ lives. I know that by grace and mercy, I have received those glimpses of heaven/eternity/joy in such small ways, and it is because of His glory and goodness and all that he is, that we can endure to the end of our lives with happy hearts. I say these things, with hope that whatever Heavenly Father would add, remove, or change, in my words, will give to those who read. I say these things in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen. <3